You can tell it to your mama, you can tell it to your diary
Another man done gone, another man done set himself free
I took the money and the funnies and the Gibson, left the TV on
A bad dream, a primal scream a head of steam, and color me gone
Move over Mr. Robbins, Mr. Thompson, Mr. Cassidy
I put a check-mark by Salinas, got a thumbtack in Tehachapi
Let my soul-stealin', devil-dealin' old life go to rust
A battle cry, wave goodbye, leave my demons in the dust
All alive, all on the inside
We've got a brother or two from old Siam
We've got Tammy from Miami and she's got nothing to hide.
We've got geeks and freaks for weeks here, folks, but you ain't seen nothin' til you've marveled at The Petrified Man
Petrified Man, PM, come be astounded by the Petrified Man
I put on some Bobby Dylan so I would not feel so all alone
And the last thing I remember was a ringing on the telephone
Was it Medusa in the back seat? Demons won the lest heat? Damned if I can tell you, son.
Too late to feel, the blood congealed, my race is run
He's got a stone heart in a bone cage, he's a pigeon perch with a pension plan.
He's got a rockin' kind of road rage, now he's stone age
Folks, a life well lived includes a trip to see the Petrified Man
Petrified Man, P.M., gonna come and get you just as slow as he can
Well I'm a cautionary tale for all the kiddies on the big yellow bus
Sister Battlebarge says "But for the grace of God, there goes us"
Is a still life still life? I fret about it night and day
I'm a four-door fossil, man, I'm Hamlet in a Chevrolet
Petrified Man, P.M. don't take him for granite, he's the P.M.
PM, PM, he's very stationary he's the Petrified Maaaaaaan
YESSIRREE HE MADE IT. HE MADE IT TO YOUR TOWN. NOW DO HIM THE FAVOR AND PAY HIM A VISIT. OH, HE’LL WAIT FOR YOU. WE CALL HIM HICKORY NICK, HIS LOWER LIMBS COMPLETELY IMMOBILIZED BY CALCIFICATION: YOU’D SWEAR ON THE COMMANDMENTS THEY WERE STONE--AND THEY WERE STONE. YOU ASK ME "IS HE ALIVE?" I ASK YOU, "ARE YOU ALIVE ENOUGH TO ASK HIM?"