You can tell it to your mama, you can tell it to your diary

Another man done gone, another man done set himself free

I took the money and the funnies and the Gibson, left the TV on

A bad dream, a primal scream a head of steam, and color me gone

Move over Mr. Robbins, Mr. Thompson, Mr. Cassady

I put a check-mark by Salinas, got a thumbtack in Tehachapi

Let my soul-stealin', devil-dealin' old life go to rust

A battle cry, wave goodbye, leave my demons in the dust

All alive, all on the inside

We've got a brother or two from old Siam

We've got Tammy from Miami and she's got nothing to hide.

We've got geeks and freaks for weeks right here, but you ain't seen nothin' til you've marveled at The Petrified Man

Petrified Man, Petrified Man, come be astounded by the Petrified Man

Petrified Man, Petrified Man

I put on some Bobby Dylan so I would not feel so all alone

And the last thing I remember was a ringing on the telephone

Was it Medusa in the back seat? Demons won the lest heat? Damned if I can tell you, son.

Too late to feel, the blood congealed, my race is run

He's got a stone heart in a bone cage

He's a pigeon perch with a pension plan

He's got a rockin' kind of road rage, now he's stone age

Folks, a life well lived includes a trip to see the Petrified Man

Petrified Man, Petrified Man, gonna come and get you just as slow as he can

Petrified Man, Petrified Man

Well I'm a cautionary tale for all the kiddies on the big yellow bus

Sister Battlebarge says, "But for the grace of God, there goes us."

Is a still life still life? I fret about it night and day

I'm a four-door fossil, man, I'm Hamlet in a Chevrolet

Petrified Man, Petrified Man, don't take him for granite, he's the Petrified Man

Petrified Man, Petrified Man

YESSIRREE HE MADE IT. HE MADE IT TO YOUR TOWN. NOW DO HIM THE FAVOR AND PAY HIM A VISIT. OH, HE’LL WAIT FOR YOU. WE CALL HIM HICKORY NICK, HIS LOWER LIMBS COMPLETELY IMMOBILIZED BY CALCIFICATION: YOU’D SWEAR ON THE COMMANDMENTS THEY WERE STONE--AND THEY WERE STONE! YOU ASK ME "IS HE ALIVE?" I ASK YOU, ARE YOU ALIVE ENOUGH TO ASK HIM?